uh no surprise?
but dis is serious..
i cried big tym yest...
reason?
lots...
all week i've been worrying abt my goddamn results...
n i mean relly worried...i'm scared n i'm nervous...
i cldnt imagine wat wld happen if i were to retain..
godz...i reli dun wanna...
4 so many times...gd teachers haf been trying to counsel the depressed...
but i dun feel any beta...
n yest...i've been trying to ask me frens if mrs tan haf called to tell us de results..
but to no avail..
n my depression keeps mounting...
afta watchin de play...wif my drama pals...
twas very late...ended at 10.30
but we were outa place at arnd 11
n den i took a bus wif those whos going to the west too..
but on the way mum called..
wif dad yelling n getting so werked up.
cuz i guess i'm not back when its so late
he wanted me to get dwn at the ginza plaza stop n take buz 30.
i mean...i'm scared to do dat...since none of my frens r goin my way.
they wanted to end at j.e
but dad sed dat de 98 bus wld haf finised its service by the tym i reached j.e
so afta dat...my journey wif my frens became a quiet one..
i reli didnt haf the mood to tok n laugh n joke afta gotten screamed at.
n u know that i'm having pmses..
n that juz doubles my depression..
afta getting off at the darn stop..
i sat dwn alone at the bus stop..
a gp of noisy boys came n settled on the seat to my left..
but most of them board a bus n left one of their members to wait 4 his bus...
he was sitting at my extreme left..
i wasnt feeling any better then...n de bus was like so late.
n den to make things worse..an old man came n sat on my right.
by then i was like...wat the hell man...cant he sit anywhere else?
den he start looking at me n staring at me..
n of curz any gurl wld feel afraid ryt?
well i was...i was sick n tired n he jus makes things worse.
he starts toking to me ...i cldnt quite hear wat the hell hes saying but i think its in mly but den again i saw him carrying a chi newspaper...
so i kinda tot hes a crazy lunatic.
i gave him an attitude face..n he continues to turn n stare at me..
i was already shaking wif fury 4 god knows wat reason..
i was angry 4 he dared to disturb me at this kinda tym.
n den i cldnt take it anymore...n snapped mind ur own biznez, tank u!"
i dunno y the hell i was using formal launguage.
perhaps i tot it wasnt right 4 me to use vulgarities since i was dressed formally n i was wearing a tudung..so maybe i shldnt start acting all violent or wateva...
so i was feeling all helpless n afraid n depressed...
the guy on my left kept looking at that man...i think...
so i guess hes my only source of consolation...
maybe he'll help if the old man starts getting physical or wat.
but he got up n went away....
i was like.." oh dun leave me....plz..."
i was even more scared stiff...
but since he left his seat...i quickly got up n sat at the other extreme end of the old man..
n den de guy came back...n sat at my place juz now..
oh wow...well i guess he got up to throw away sum rubbish..
n he sat at my place calmly eating chocolates.
my godz...how thankful i was...
n den de old man turn arnd n was surprised that i kinda switched places wif that guy..
n soon enuf he got up n walked away..
at last i heaved a huge sigh of relieve...
was i feeling...so sad...
thinking that dad wasnt even here to take me home..
unlike nits n liyana...their dad got em home..
oh quit it...dad doesnt even haf a car.
sigh..ash n e-is haf been wishing me nyt msges..
i cldnt very well reply...cuz i know my tone wld b in such a sad tone..n they r not much of company.
i mean...i cldnt very well feel comforted wif ppl msging me when i was facing such situations..
but at least they r sum sweet ppl who remembered me uh...at least dey dun scream or yelled at me ...
sigh...
i cldnt help but to cry on de bus home...i cldnt held back my tears anymore..
i felt so...depressed...
it all keeps mounting n dat stupid incident juz got me to de peak..
n i juz hafta let it all out...i cried big tym...sitting alone in de buz...
luckily there werent too many ppl...well no surprise...it was 11.30 pm..by then
i got home wif an angry face n continued crying in my bed...
i cried till i slp...
n i got up late in de morn wif a swollen face...sighz...
i tried submerging my face into water 4 a while...n put eye moisturiser to lessen de swollen look...well its subsides ...luckily...
sighz...
now...i've my mad project to be done...n mum wants me to start making cookies...
oh hell..i snapped at her saying i've got hw to do...
she neva asks if i were bz or not...she juz assumes i'm like hell free n that i hafta hlp her...
let the brat do em...bro is like totally free...
n siz...she got her results earlier yest.
n dad was asking me y she did badly in her eng...
i was like how the hell am i spoz to know?
u shld be tankful u've got a totally bright n popular youngest daughter.
n u reli dun need to compare my results when i was in sec 2 wif hers.
i know i'm dumber then she is.
i know ur youger son n daughter is like totally way brighter then i am.
ok so if i was to retain...it reli shldnt be a surprise shld it?
i neva satisfy u...
ah to hell wif it all..........